6 Pakistani Lies I was told as a kid.


Growing up your parents, your family and your relatives tell you things that keep you up and confident, that keep making you work harder in life and they make you realize we live in a beautiful happy world where the only way is up and the road to eternal happiness isn’t that far way and then you grow old and realize that most of what they told you was pretty much bullshit and the world they were portraying is actually really really different from the happy place you thought it is. The most famous lies I and maybe you were ever told

1. Complete High School/A levels/F.S.c and you have nothing else to worry about in life -

The Lie -

“Betay finish off F.sc/High School/ 12th grade and you’re set for life. These two years are the most crucial years of your life. Do good and you’re set for life”

The Lie makes you think like that graduating high school is the best thing to happen to your life and it’ll automatically set you for life. You’ll find a hot wife, a good job, have great intelligent good looking kids, drive a BMW to work every day and you’ll be in control of your life.

The Expectation. Bas matric kar lo! Gori biwi goray bachay sub tumhara ho sakta hai!

What Actually Happens -

Now it’s been two years since I graduated from High School and my life is no where close to being set. I spend my afternoons watching cat videos on youtube and my nights making stick figures. I’m no closer to finding a job then I was 2 years ago. I’m no closer to getting married or having kids and women won’t look at me let alone talk to me.  Basically if you were to replace me with a rock you would notice absolutely no difference in the rock’s and my lifestyle. Maybe I would eat and take up more space than the rock but that’s it. So to anyone going through high school right now and reading this no one really will ever give a crap about your grades maybe your university (But if you’re getting Es you’re probably not smart enough for university, abu ka business sambhal lo) or your parents but that’s basically it. So chill.

The Reality

 

 

2. Don’t stand under trees at night or the ghosts/jinns will possess you

The Lie -

Stand under a tree and a ghost or jinn will possess you.

Modified Lie -

Wear perfume and stand under a tree and you’ll die.

How I thought trees looked at night for 19 years of my life. (Yes I'm still scared of them)

 

What Actually Happens -

For the first 13 years of my life I refused to stand under any trees because of this lie. I was scared of ghosts and jinns so I refused to go near 100 meters of a tree at night then as time passed by slowly I would see people standing under trees at night who looked perfectly normal and not possessed or anything. So I tested the lie out and stood under a tree…..at night and nothing happened. This turned out to be more anti-climatic than a bollywood movie and it was at that moment I considered this to be bullshit. I still haven’t tried the “Wear perfume and stand under a tree and die” myth out yet.. Maybe when I’m 75 I’ll try it out or something.

3 – Finish your food or The Jinn/Boogey man will eat you -

The Lie -

You’ll get eaten by a monster if you don’t eat your food.

What Actually Happens -

This lie is the reason why I suffered obesity from 11-17 (still kinda do) because when ever I saw food I ate it. Whether the food was on someone else’s plate or my plate I ate it. The fear of the Boogey man made sure I ate every thing and I still do eat everything because you never know he actually might come for you. Logically you would think that the boogey man really shouldn’t be giving a shit if you finish your food or not but my mom’s persistence “Khana kha lo or he’ll kill you” was enough for me to finish every eatable thing put in front of me.

4 – Pepsi na piyo pait phat jai ga/ Don’t drink Pepsi your stomach will explode 

The Lie -

Drinking pepsi or fizzy drinks will build acid  up in your stomach due to which you’ll end up exploding. – Numerous Pakistani Mothers trying to keep their kids of fizzy drinks.

What I was expecting to happen to me.

What Actually Happens -

You drink Pepsi and fizzy drinks and nothing bad actually happens but due to your parents persistence they make you think like you’re actually a mentos being placed in a pepsi bottle and then being shaken ferociously. Is pepsi bad for you? Yes. Will Pepsi make you explode? No.

5. Become a doctor or an Engineer and you’re going to be filthy rich.

The Lie -

No matter where you study from just become a doctor or an Engineer and you’ll be rich. Simple.

What Actually Happens -

I think everyone knows what’s actually happening with engineers and doctors these days. Engineers are finding it hard to find a job these days and cleaners are getting paid more than Doctors (newly graduate doctors) these days. So no becoming a Doctor or an Engineer won’t make you rich. The 10 years of hard-work after you become a Doctor or an Engineer will make you rich.

6. Wars -

The Lie -

There are actual winners in Wars.

What Actually Happens -

Ignoring my anti-war stance I think it’s there for everyone to see that the modern war just brings about suffering, torture, depression, misery and death in genocidal numbers and by death I mean that of civilians. So there is no victory in War maybe for the rich politicians there is but other than that no one else wins. From the 1965 War (yes we didn’t win that) from the genocides in Bangladesh, Iraq and now Afghanistan. Wars are profit making machines and nothing else.

 

That’s pretty much it no doodles for this one because I’ve lost my doodle touch or something like that or I’m just to lazy to make them.

Later everyone. :)

24 thoughts on “6 Pakistani Lies I was told as a kid.

  1. The first one is the most Famous Lie ever, lool I kept telling it to everyone “Beta Matric/Fsc hey hein 4 saal parhnay walay ”

    The Darakhat kay neechay wali is famous as well.

    Pepsi wali first time suni h haha

  2. What about the black-cat-crossing-the-road-bringing-bad-luck? What about the crow-making-scratching-noise-infront-of-your-house?

    With such posts I can figure what Cesc’s disloyalty is doing to you.

  3. one thing…sure parents have lied to their kids about these things…but im sure they ment well of it…number 1 for example…they just want you to have a nice education (plus the bragging rights that their kid is the smartest)…if you look deeper into these lies, there is always something better in them for their kids…

    besides…these white lies are nothing compared to what they could have lied about (like…”beta…give me your eid money…i’ll invest it in something good…” and a few days later, the money is gone but mom has a new suit…lol )

  4. Pingback: 6 Pakistani Lies I was told as a kid. (via When I'm pissed I like to take it out on the internet.) « Of Penguins, Endorphins and Other Stuff Too.

  5. cant believe it took you 19 years to get rid of your fear of being under a tree! and you actually (sadly) went and stood under a tree all by yourself alone, creep. Being a girl the lie i knew was that never stand under a tree with your hair uncovered or laugh under it during maghrib and if you have a flower fall off means a jinn has fallen in love with you (change your name; get a plastic surgery and change your face; go bald; do wrong makeup- this was my backup plan incase that ever happened)
    and its funny how your parents think youre mentos, must have been hard on you, i get it i hope they soon realize how youre just their little boy who goes hyper after having nandos and yum icecream (that icecream sounded real good man, where do you live?)

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