If you’re giving a perfect talk in front of a group of 30 people. By perfect I mean something that’s just genuinely brilliant, all 30 people will have a different opinion on it. There will be a couple who hate it, a couple who think it’s average, a lot who think it’s brilliant and a couple who think it’s really brilliant. That’s just the beauty or the ugliness of the human mind, we will ultimately have different views on everything including facts. That’s just how we work, I’ll get into it later why I mentioned this.
The last year in my life has been the most depressing and clueless year of my life. Facing existential crisis, to philosophical questions that were really never getting me anywhere. I wasn’t looking for success nor was I looking for money (at that time now as much as I didn’t want to I sadly am, because I never needed it 6 months ago being provided by someone who’ll always have your back.) and nor was I looking to get laid like a normal 20 year old wants to. I just wanted some peace of mind some direction that would give me peace, I went away from religion and then away from it back and forth until I found the answers I was looking for. I found them though I’m not even .1 percent close to where I want to be but it’s much better than say about 6 months ago. I tried isolation but really that was a bad idea gone wrong, I’ve tried making friends but the people I’ve interacted with so far just aren’t for me and the people I want to interact with don’t really want to talk to me so sometimes it’s better to ignore your surroundings and just live your life I wouldn’t advise it though. (also it’s not homesickness that’s over last thing I want to do right now is go back just when I’m finally starting to bring some clarity into my life)
I had questions about death (now this is why I mentioned the first paragraph). Death is the most inevitable fact of life, it doesn’t need to be proved by Science or anything else. It will happen to every single one of us, but looking for answers you ask people about death and you see that their opinion or their perspective on it and you’ll find a different perspective/opinion from everyone. Even people from the same religion will tell you death brings something different to each and every single one of them. To some it’s fear, to some it’s intrigue, to some it’s happiness and to a lot it’s just running away from the idea until it finally comes to them. To me, I’m finally beginning to think it as closure now for a 20 year old who’s mostly thinking about death you would advise him to visit a shrink as it probably kills all the youthful enthusiasm or excitement or fun he’s going to carry but realization of the whole concept of death to me has turned me into a genuinely better person and I’ve always thought I’m a 70 year old man stuck in a 20 year old’s body.. It’s because once you realize the concept of such a thing and come to terms with it there isn’t much in the world that will scare you or will stop you. You realize your full potential and for me at-least it’s put me on a path that I perceive is the right one a one that keeps me at peace with myself and that’s all I require. (Having said that I’m in no means looking forward to death. Shit, the new Batman movie isn’t even out yet. How friggin awesome does Bane look in it btw?)
Finally and in short the last year or two have been tough on me but I’m finally beginning to have some long over due direction. I wait for closure and it might come soon or it might come very late but I’m not hiding from it anymore. What happens when I meet that final point of closure? Well that part scares me and I’m not really expecting God to go easy on me because He knows I don’t really deserve it.
I really should have been studying for my final instead of writing this, my parents will be proud of me when they find out where their life savings are going. Sometimes I imagine my dad setting huge piles of money on fire every-time he spends on me but that’s something for another time.
Later.
(Just a slight note – humor etc will really be low on the blog it’s going to be more on the personal side from now on and me whining about things. So subscribers sorry if you’re getting annoyed probably best to unsubscribe and check back)
we need to talk
I just watched a movie last night where a guy in it said, “Death is beautiful because we all fear death. Fear is the most amazing emotion of all since it makes us truly present. And when you’re truly present, that’s nirvana. That’s pure love. And so death is pure love.”
Anyway. I think it’s brave of you to like, continue blogging, even though it won’t be your usual genre. Unlike me. I just completely stopped.
Trolls can go screw themselves.
The Comedian needs someone to make him laugh too.
The saame things have started striking me, but they certainly don’t interfere with my social/fun life.
I like.Screw people.Just not literally,you really should study for your finals:P
This is the phase that turns your life around; either for good or worse. I strongly feel its gonna be the later one. Three things for now:
1- “Blessed be He in Whose hands is Dominion; and He over all things hath Power;- {1} He Who created Death and Life, that He may try which of you is best in deed: and He is the Exalted in Might, Oft-Forgiving;- {2}”(Al-Mulk)
2- There have been and still are those who await death as someone awaits a sweetheart, cause they ultimately saw through it all, this facade or ‘Matrix’ of existance!
3- If the finals are off your back then try these books (given you havent read em already). You will be riveted to them:
i-Shahab Nama by Qudratullah Shahab
ii-Alakh Nagri by Mumtaz Mufti
Be blessed and focused!
..come to terms with it and there isn’t much that’ll scare u or stop u..u r right actually! if ppl like me remember this fact, life’s gonna b reckless,spontaneous,crazy..which is the way it shuld be!! eat.pray.love!
People mentioning their ages 20 or less, now that is depressing :p
*sniff*
besides, I read bane somewhere and phir us k baad charaaghon main roshni na rahi.
You might think you’re the only one, Hammad, but that line about being a 70 year-old stuck inside a young man’s body, that’s exactly how I feel too and it gets me thinking about death a lot, especially around my birthday. Anyway, cheers, and I hope you feel better.
The question, if clear, will bring clarity to your mind n peace to your heart. Don’t let the quest die, for almost all the elders(in age) once had these feelings and most couldn’t tackle them nor could they find fine mentors. Death is the darling of those who live with clarity and a great riddle full of ambiguity, fear and agony for those who have lost what u called direction. I could tell u the answer very easily but it would not remain useful for you because we tend to cherish those things more which we find after struggle. Prayers n Regards.